It took a long time for me to get here - and that was mostly because I was in and out of black-out blurry nights. I was never the perfect kid, and I did have my fair share of shenanigans as a pre-teen and teenager. However, what really separated me from my family the most were the drunk nights sitting at a blackjack table. Several blackjack tables.** In fact, it was also that combination that took the biggest toll on my intimate relationship.

It seemed that once I had started drinking, gambling and getting involved with the world of cocaine - that's all I wanted to do. For a long time, my partner even put up with it, and although it was partially an "enabling" type situation (where she was upset by it constantly, but also drinking heavily and gambling WITH me) - it was mostly me twisting her arm because it's what I wanted to do. Boy, in those days, it's really all I cared for.

Anyway - once that came crumbling down, the relationship came to an end, I moved back to my hometown after spending 90 days is jail for a probation violation, where she had broken up with me, telling me it would be better to fix my situation alone. Of course, it became an issue also when I agreed it probably would be. Somehow there was a vision in her mind that I'd go fix everything alone, "and then we'd be happily back together afterwards."

It was a beautiful idea, but it was raw, and I couldn't commit to it. Then, naturally, I became an asshole for telling her, "the door isn't closed, but it isn't open either. Maybe we'll be brought back together, or maybe we'll part ways." You rarely can win in those types of situations - but I did spend the next year re-thinking my life, and what I was doing with it, if I was doing anything with it at all. I had no idea what I needed to do.

BUT -- I was certainly on a new adventure. I moved back to my hometown, and I reconnected with my mother and my step-father. Although I've always been close to my biological father, living a couple hours away took a small toll on the relationship. That, and the fact that most of our phone calls took place while I was intoxicated. Getting back in touch with my mother, my step-father, my step-sister and my biological brother was the big one.

I spent that year restarting probation in a new town (not really new, but new in terms of being gone for so long), getting a job, then getting a part time job on top of that, paying my alcoholic-gambling debts off to my ex-partner, a few credit cards that went into debt during my 3 month jail stay, and reconnecting with my family. I found a job relatively quick, and I rented a small room in the back of a Golden, CO trailer park.

A lot of things happened in between then. I started drinking again, I had some trouble during probation with not being able to cut myself off, and ultimately ended in a 21 day (3-week) probation-rehab program, where I was successfully discharged, and then shortly after successfully terminated from probation. It was a long five-ish years, to say the least. Between the almost two years in Vail before violating, and then a 2-year reset afterwards.

I couldn't have done any of that without my family. Reconnecting with them, making amends and apologizing for the behaviors in my past, and moving in the forward direction was one of the best things I could have ever done for myself, and (hopefully) for them, too. If you'd have asked me about my mother 10 years ago, I probably wouldn't have said many nice things about her - and she probably wouldn't have said any about me, either.

Today - my mother and I have a beautiful relationship together, as well as my step-father, my step-sister, my biological father, and my biological brother. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for any of them. It's really quite remarkable what things can turn into if you simply . . . try. I can't imagine how I'd be making it through any of this, or any of what I did go through without my family back in my life. It'd have been terrible.

It's never fun to tell anybody that you've been arrested for a DWAI/DUI charge - but it's a lot better with people to support you and help you get through it. If I hadn't reconnected and worked on my relationships during my last "episode" (for lack of better words) - I would be so miserably lost through this entire process. So if you're thinking about getting sober, be it alcohol, or some other substance of choice, bring your family with you.

If you're serious about changing, talk to your family, and tell them that it's important for you to rebuild this chapter of your life with them. It will be a lot of work, of course. It won't be easy, either. But it will be worth it, and if you stay clean, and do the best you can - if you do have a few minor slip-ups, you'll have people who love you and care about you, and you won't be all alone. Trust me - it's better not being alone in this.

Don't hesitate. Make the phone call, or send them a message. Reach out to them, and explain to them that you're ready to be serious, but you need support along the way. Don't force yourself to be alone simply because you're too afraid to make the call. They're waiting for YOU. You're not waiting for them anymore. They know what you're about: doing the things you were doing that pushed them all away from you. That's their vision.

It's YOUR job to show them differently. YOU have to reach out to them. YOU have to call then, and tell THEM that you're taking positive steps to make your future better. Nobody is going to call you, especially if it's been close to a decade like it was me. Nobody is going to call to hear the same thing they've been hearing for years. YOU need to take that step, and YOU need to reach out. THAT'S when you'll be taken seriously by loved ones.

I encourage you, if you've found this post hoping to find a story about screwing up, getting better, reconnecting and rebuilding relationships with family/loved ones, and screwing up again -- because once you've brought them back into your life and you've repaired what was damaged, you're a LOT MORE LIKELY to keep them around with a slip-up here and there. Nobody is perfect - but loved ones understand better when you really are trying.

If you're going through this - or you have been through this, feel free to leave a guest-comment, or sign-up for an account to leave a comment. I'm not sure if anybody will find this, but if you've managed to take the time to read all of these words - it may be helpful to leave a positive comment below for other readers who may not have gone through this yet, and are looking to hear of other's experiences. It's certainly a difficult task.